Rushing to the destination
As a self-proclaimed self-improvement fanatic, sometimes it’s important to check in and ask myself what am I doing all this for? Just to recap: I’ve tried most ‘diet's’ under the sun, I’ve tried most ‘exercises’, I regularly journal, have done therapy for over a decade and like reading books that have esoteric titles. I’m incredibly lucky to have the most amazing friends on the planet who listen to me go on about the inner workings of my mind as I come to grips with this weird ol’ world we live on.
Recently though I’ve hit a new level of self-satisfaction and that’s trying to enjoy the journey, rather than rush to the destination. Self-love and inner work doesn’t need to have a deadline. Really the most refreshing thing I can do is approach each day with an open-mind and see what comes up. Maybe it’s a particular car that triggers a repressed memory or maybe it’s a much-needed debrief with an ex-lover. I’m starting to trust myself now (after 22 years) that I don’t need to know all of the answers right now and I probably never will. The beauty of life is in the unfolding. Reacting to the present moment and trying to unpick any negative deep set beliefs.
I find meeting new people and recallibrating my expectations of older friends helpful for this. Approaching everyone with an open heart is really the biggest gift I wish to give. I have so much love for this life I’m living and, no, that doesn’t mean I’m perfectly happy all the time. But I feel like I’m starting to get to a place where I’m comfortable in my skin. I know that a long walk in nature or a hot bath or even a cup of tea helps me feel better. Even if I’m hungover or leave a job application to the deadline it doesn’t matter. Because this isn’t a race. Life isn’t a race against yourself to tick things off and get things done. A wise man once said that life isn’t lived in the doing it’s lived in the being.
My intention for the next month is beingness. Fully embracing the world and my mind/body with all it’s beautiful imperfections. Finding fun in the unknown and wriggling my way out of the belief that I need to control the outcome and understanding everything to truly start living. I’m taking life a little less seriously and it’s the best decision I’ve made in years. So, if you miss your morning meditation or you eat a large pizza and have a big food baby don’t sweat it. Accept that you don’t need to be perfect. The longer you spend revelling in the past mistakes or the future anxieties is time you could be spending enjoying this ride. Laugh at how ridiculous life can be sometimes. You’re still here, not fighting (I hope) but throwing your head back and sinking into it. Or at least that’s what I’m trying to do more often.
If in doubt, remind yourself You Are Enough - I have at least four post-it notes around the house with this slogan on and have set three daily reminders. You’re degree, friends, family, career all that stuff is secondary to you feeling comfortable in the skin your in. Don’t be that person that resists life until their dying breath.
All my love, Sam