Rise n Grind😱
For January's Happiness Project my goal was mindfulness. I'm happy to report this was a great success (don't worry I'll update you with a full timetable in due course). But, one of the pre-reqs for taking up this project was time. Particularly, where I was repurposing time in my day to make my goals a reality. The motivation was definitely there. I didn't have some Eat Pray Love style epiphany or spiritual awakening that spurred me to change my life for the better. In all honesty, I was just tired. Exhausted in fact. It's exhausting to give up on life. Parts of my life that had once made me so happy had lost their sparkle. My relationship with myself was at it's whits end and I knew I couldn't go on living like a zombie. There wasn't a dramatic epiphany, but there is one conversation that's forged into my head.
I had just come back from a trip to one of Brussels' galleries, with a new friend. Beaming, I couldn't wait to tell my new crew in Belgium all about the fun I'd had. Bearing in mind this particular friend had only known me in 2017 and really only for 2 months. She was taken aback. As, I gushed how much fun I'd had dissecting modern art (I'm well aware of how much of a nerd I am). She responded, 'I've never seen you so happy'. Jesus Christ. I've always thought of myself as a happy fun-loving person. But, clearly this new friend didn't have any context to go on and tapped into my deeper fears that I wasn't loving life anymore. It took those moments of pure bliss to make me realise, it's rare I feel that way anymore. In fact, it got me thinking when was the last time I was truly happy. I'd got into this routine of waking up early-ish spending 45 minutes on my phone before dragging myself out of bed. Dragging as the key word. 2017 had been a s***-storm. Clearly, the world had gotten me down. So, I had a choice either I continue living life listlessly with the occasional bout of anger and sadness. Or I make a change.
I chose the latter- thank God. The sacrifice? My morning ritual. I say ritual, but before this experiment it consisted of spending 45 minutes filling my head with crap and then another 45 minutes making my face look presentable. They say when you're ready to transition to a better you, it's time to make an offering. Give up something you love the comfort of for the promise of more. So, that first morning on January 5th when my alarm went off at 7:15 I fought every urge to get back into bed. Repeating the mantra in my head: just stay on the mat. Less weird if you know that yoga and meditation was my new commitment. No matter how much I wanted to crawl back into numbing myself with Instagram and warm sheets. I promised that if after yoga and meditation I still needed sleep I could do that. In reality, I only chose that option once during the month. Think of it like this. The life you've fallen out of love with is your cosy bed, but the life you need is just beyond the cold discomfort. I truly believe discomfort is what makes you alive.
If you've started beating yourself up for snoozing your alarm ten times this morning. Please don't on my behalf. No shame or judgment here. In fact, beating yourself up is part of the problem. Do you know what's kept me on the mat for nearly 30 days now? It's my belief in self care is stronger than my self doubt. It's getting on the same team as yourself. How long have you lived like an out-of-body experience? Like you're on autopilot. In the words of Mel Robbins the change is simple, but it's not easy. Self care requires growth and when you stop growing you stop living. So, if you're keen to make a change in your life start with this. Choose one thing you want to work towards. It doesn't need to be particularly noble or justified. Choose anything. Then go onto your phone, set your alarm to be 15 minutes earlier and charge it across the room before bed. The rest is on you. You can choose to get back into bed. Or better yet you could choose to show up and start living again. I promise there'll be days when you really don't feel like it. Splash some water on your face, brush your teeth and guzzle a big ol glass of H20. What have you got to lose? Only the life you know you deserve.
All my love, Sam💖